My high school hairstyle was a work of art.

The bangs were teased up and the sides were shellacked back with hair dryer-hardened hairspray.  On “casual” days I would pull it back into a high, tight ponytail secured by a scrunchie, barrettes, and even more hairspray, gel, or mousse (or, more likely, all three).

It’s nice to know that this is still around…in modern gymnastics.

1991 lives on in women’s gymnastics.  Scrunchies abound and the hairspray is flowing.   Multiple Goody hairclips are apparently a requirement (pieces of flair?).  No wonder the Chinese did so well; as my sister-in-law pointed out, it looks like a Claire’s store exploded on their heads.

If not for the leotards, these girls would look right at home in my high school cafeteria.

The makeup is just as bad.  Heavy eyeshadow combined with little mascara and pale lips give the gymnasts an eery “I got into my mom’s makeup and didn’t know what to do next” look.  The turquoise and purple eyeshadow alone should be a red flag that the Chinese gymnasts might be underage; anyone over fourteen should know better!

Make no mistake, this isn’t a case of athletes concentrating on their sport rather than their looks.  These aren’t swimmers who just put on a suit and jump in the pool.  These women spend ample time on hair and makeup before their big events.

You can’t blame a particular gym, coach, or country for this anachronistic style, because the look is pervasive.   You can’t fault Nadia or Mary Lou; they predated this trend and they both now look like lovely, modern adults.

So where did it come from?  Who is both influential and outdated enough to orchestrate such a style?

I’m just saying…