When I was growing up, the only adults that I called by their first names were a handful of my parents’ best friends.  I don’t know that my parents had a strong opinion on the subject; this was just what everyone did.  I called my friends’ parents “Mrs. Mitchell,” or “Mr. Dickinson,” and I still call most of them by their last names thirty years later. 

I initially set this rule with my own kids, but times have changed.  Almost all of my friends introduce me to their children as “Ms. Wanda” or just plain “Wanda.”  When I refer to them as “Mrs. Lastname” they quickly correct me or just look uncomfortable.  I’ve come to expect that my kids will only call adults by their last names one time before they’re corrected. 

I don’t think this is necessarily a Southern “thing,” since I’ve heard the same comment from friends in other states.  Maybe the rules change when children reach elementary school age, when teachers are routinely called by their last names. 

So who cares?  On the one hand, it’s not a big deal.  It’s nice that children feel comfortable with adults, and kids can be intimidated by too much formality.  From our adult point of view, being a “Mr.” or “Mrs.” or – God forbid – a “ma’am” makes us feel old and un-cool. 

On the other hand, formality has its place.  Calling adults by their last names emphasizes respect and sets adults apart from children.  Kids thrive on order and routine, and establishing adults’ authority gives kids a sense of security, safety, and limits.  It’s in the same vein as “I’m not your friend, I’m your mom.” 

Manners are intended to make people feel more comfortable, not awkward.  They are a way to set our cultural expectations; we all play by the same rules so no one gets hurt.  I want to teach my kids these life skills so they are equipped for the future, but it’s tricky when the rules are in flux. 

I’m not saying that calling adults by their first name is a sign of the apocalypse, but it’s a point to ponder.  I bet Lindsay Lohan called adults by their first names.  Ah well… 

I’d welcome your feedback.  Feel free to comment!